THE BIG ONE

AKA Why 2020 is an overall shit-show right now for everyone

TRIGGERED?!?

Why is everyone so upset about SOMETHING these days? Well, in my opinion, everyone is getting sort of triggered, about different things. And nobody likes it. That’s why, when people decide to start flinging cruel words to each other, both sides of any argument tend use that word as an insult. (See also, snowflake, privilege, etc.) One person is mad about George Floyd, and posting lots of BLM related posts, calling for police to be de-funded. Maybe they’ve experienced some form of violence from police, or other authority figure. Another is mad because their loved one is a police officer, and they know that their loved one is a good person. Friends and family members are having huge blowup arguments about things they either didn’t much care about before, or else let slide because there are ‘bigger problems’ in the world, and its important to focus on good energy. Who is right in these scenario?

Two things can be true… and also false

Both of these experiences are valid. The person who has been wronged by police deserves justice, because no one should be above the law. The officer being harassed and called a pig is also being wronged, because maybe he tries to be color-blind and treat everyone equally.

What responses to conflict are healthy?

…Yes.

Everyone deals with their issues in a different way. Some people try to deal with things privately, directly with the person they’re having an issue with, and don’t want anyone else involved. This works well if both parties are truly listening to one another, and respecting each other’s viewpoints.

Some (this one is me) get very passionately argumentative, then need to take a step back, get a second (or third, or fourth, or more) opinion on their behavior, do some research, and come back to apologize when they are ready. This works well when two people need to reflect on their own issues before coming back to the topic.

A third way, (which I kind of view as a combo move of the two,) is walking away until someone who has wronged you is ready to recognize it and apologize. There is no use in talking or yelling at someone who isn’t ready to listen.

What about two people with seemingly incompatible ways of handling things?

Maybe someone won’t ever feel comfortable talking about certain things, especially in some cases of extreme anxiety, depression, eating disorders, abuse etc. It is important to recognize personal boundaries with friends and family, recognize that your actions are hurting them, and know when its time to stop. (I started writing this post specifically because I was arguing with someone I care about, and neither of us was really hearing the other. Heck, that’s this entire site, in a nutshell)

What if they won’t stop?

If you’ve asked repeatedly for someone to stop an action that is making you MISERABLE, and you are sure they are not making an attempt to change this behavior, it’s time to get out.

I know that sounds dramatic, but you don’t have to take them out of your life completely or immediately. People are capable of change, but ONLY when they desire it. (more on this later) When someone shows you time and time again that they aren’t even recognizing that there is an issue there, if someone repeatedly says something along the lines of, “this sounds like a YOU problem,” or the ilk, take a step back. Maybe not by blocking them everywhere, but just waiting to see if they come back with an apology and perhaps an explanation, or if it is only excuses.

Excuses versus Real Apologies

How to tell the difference? Do they deflect and shift all of the blame back onto you by acting like a complete victim themselves? This might be gaslighting. If they are genuinely trying to apologize for their actions and how they made you feel, but trying to explain their side of the story as well, this is NOT gaslighting. How to tell the two apart? We need to think critically about what their intentions were when they lashed out. Let me try to make an example.

• I’m sorry that what I said hurt you, that wasn’t my intention. I just wanted you to know how I felt.
• I’m sorry you were offended by me just talking to you. You should really work on that. Other people don’t react this way to something so trivial.

The first is a genuine apology, and the second is deflecting. Real apologies can also lead to further discussion, and potentially unpacking the deeper issues of why someone was offended in the first place.

Therapy?

It’s sometimes best if these discussions take place with a professional therapist, but whether that be apart or together (like couples’ therapy) varies. Some people are content to deal with their issues alone, and just block and unfriend everyone who triggers them, and that is a valid response. Some people need to just stop responding/reaching out until they feel ready and are no longer in a bad headspace. And some need professional help dealing with real trauma that has been repressed and bottled up for too long (I’m also this one.)

On Stubborn People who don’t Seek Help

If you believe someone is physically endangering themselves or others, you can call a few different non-profits or even the police for a welfare check. (more on this later) If they are not a danger to themselves or others, they might need space.

Oppression

More on this later in it’s own long post, but Sexism, Racism, and Classism, are all alive and well in the world, and especially in the United States. There are many reasons why people think one or all of these injustices don’t exist, and they typically have to do with the person not having first-hand knowledge of that experience themselves. It is important to listen, rather than rejecting someone’s reality and replacing it with your own.

Coronavirus response

The big divide here can be boiled down to the debate between Personal Liberties and the Greater Good. There are negative extremes on both ends of the spectrum. (More on this later as well.)

But if these are ALL valid things, how do I know what is right?

It is up to you to decide, on a case by case basis, who you keep in your life and who you let go. Each individual needs to find balance between knowing their personal triggers, knowing their response to them, and finding ways of mitigating triggers that work for them, while also respecting that everyone else is doing the same.

This is INSANE! Are you saying there are no right answers??

The overwhelming feeling that nothing matters and everything matters too much at the same time, is what we refer to as existential dread. Existential dread can lead to jumping to a few majorly divisive and potentially problematic extreme beliefs as well.

Nihilism – the rejection of all religious and moral principles, in the belief that life is meaningless.

Anarchy – a state of disorder due to absence or nonrecognition of authority.

Fascism – a form of far-right authoritarian ultra-nationalism, characterized by dictatorial power, forcible suppression of oppositon, as well as strong regimentation of society and the economy.

Communism – a political theory advocating class war, and leading to society in which all property is publicly owned an each person works and is paid according to their abilities and needs.

Socialism – A political and economic theory of social organization, which advocates that the means of production, distribution, and exchange should be owned or regulated by the community as a whole.

Capitalism – an economic and political system in which a country’s trade and industry are controlled by private owners for profit, rather than by the state.

Republicanism – a political ideology centered on citizenship in a state as a republic. Historically, it ranges from the rule of class of wealthy and powerful minority or oligarchy to popular sovereignty.

Democracy – a system of government by the whole population, or all the eligible members of a state, typically through elected representatives.

Theocracy – a system of government in which priests rule in the name of God or gods.

Definitions, excluding parenthetical notes, from Oxford Languages

More on all of these ideals later, and maybe more to add to the list itself, with insights by people who I believe are experts (or at the very least, much more educated in these particular fields) than I am.

None of these schools of thought are inherently evil, on their own, but ALL of them are susceptible to corruption by those in power. How do we deal with balancing these opposing schools of thought in the United States today?

Tl;dr: In my opinion, now is the time to start researching and debating Constitutional Law, and the balance of power on the federal, state, county, and community, and personal levels, in order to form a more perfect Union.